Are you listening?

I found the following quote on one of my coaching forums:

..."When we listen, we offer with our attention an opportunity for wholeness. Our listening creates a sanctuary for the homeless parts within another person." ~ Rachel Naomi Remen MD

It's not so much that we want our problems to be fixed, as it is that we want to be heard - we want someone to really listen. How often do we really listen? My guess is that we do a pretty good job convincing ourselves we are good listeners, but we can all improve our listening skills.

And then....

We can start to listen to our own inner voice. What about the homeless parts inside of ourselves?

Imagine being angry, upset, sad or afraid. Being able to talk to someone who does listen, allows us to find a safe place to park that feeling - a parking lot of sorts. After talking it through, being listened to, the anger, sadness or fear can be safely parked in the sanctuary of another's willingness to listen.

So try this as an experiment - the next time someone around you is complaining, listen for the request or the fear that is underneath the complaint. Perhaps you can provide a sanctuary for that individual - for their homeless parts.

The next time you find yourself complaining, ask yourself what the unstated request or unexpressed fear is beneath your own complaint. Then consider who might provide a sanctuary for you. How might you create a sanctuary for yourself? What things or places bring you a sense of calm, a chance to replenish or renew?