Found

You might be wondering what movies I have been watching during my long rides on the trainer. On Sunday, March 16th I watched the movie "August Rush". This movie is about a young musical prodigy who is trying to find his parents. He has spent his life in an orphanage and at the prospect of being moved to another facility decides to "follow the music" to find his parents. I loved many things about this movie. As the young boy moves through the busy streets of New York City, he hears music in the everyday sounds of the city. He composes the fluttering of the flags, the rattling of a plastic bottle rolling along the pavement and other sounds of the city, into music in his head. So one can hear "noise" or "music" depending on their perspective. Depending on how you choose to listen it can sound like chaos or beautiful music.

Along the way, the boy encounters a man who encourages his quest to develop his musical abilities and holds him back at the same time. He does ask a profound question, when he asks the boy what he wants to be. The boy responds; "Found". That line really struck me. I believe that is all that any of us really want. We want to be found.

I've started reading Eckhart Tolle's book "A New Earth". He talks about the difference between form-based attention and formless attention. In the context of parenting he describes form-based attention on one's child as the focus on doing or evaluating in some way. He gives examples of this - "Have you done your homework? Eat your dinner. Tidy up your room. Brush your teeth. Do this. Stop doing this. Hurry up and get ready."

It's not that he believes form-based attention isn't necessary. He states that there is a place and a time for it. He goes on to say that if form-based attention is the only component of the relationship between parent and child, the most vital dimension (being) is missing. He refers to "formless attention" as the alertness, the stillness, the listening, the looking... the being present with your child.

As Tolle describes it:

"The longing for love that is in every child is the longing to be recognized, not on the level of form (doing), but on the level of Being. If the parents honor only the human dimension of the child, but neglect the Being, the child will sense that the relationship is unfulfilled, that something absolutely vital is missing, and there will be a buildup of pain in the child and sometimes unconscious resentment towards the parents. "Why don't you recognize me?"

For me the formula looks like this:

Recognized (at the being level) = Found.

When I consider what Tolle is writing about, it occurs to me that form-based attention focus within a relationship vs. formless attention within a relationship is equally important in any relationship. It is what allows us to be found.